Let me dance on strings for thee.

I tread softly on the strings of insanity

And as I do, they do play a lovely tune.

A chord that’s soft, and sweet to hear

I try my best to be gentle; trust me here.

 

Sometimes I can dance, or even prance

And the melody is free. And the glee

That greets the faces of all those that care to be

Near to me shows zeal! But then I fail –

 

And I fall –

And it screeches to a halt.

 

It reaches my song, and the strings are strained!

What breeches the ears brings real pain

And I fear that I cannot muffle the disdain

That you might have for me. But I ask of thee,

Please let me play again.

 

Will you let me play again?

Out, Out –

Glorious epoch, lasting finity,

I have observed the clock

For too damn long,

It ticks and it ticks and it fucking tocks.

Like a marching band,

Thundering at me every second,

To the last syllable of recorded time.

 

Life is something strange,

And at times I do not like it,

And at times it is bliss.

I can’t stomach the infrequency.

Give me hell or give me heaven,

For all eternity. But leave me be,

Oh infrequency, leave me be.

 

If I can justify it enough;

That’s the real flaw.

That’s the real issue at heart,

Because I have needs!

Real desperate needs

Like when you need air!

And the panic is real to me.

It is so real to me.

But do I ever get it?

Rarely. And when I do it’s

Not enough.

Not enough to calm the rage,

The storm and tempest building inside me.

 

I am a wretch

And I scorn goodness and loath evil.

I despise love and detest hate,

Nothing is the remedy,

Therefore, the remedy is nothing;

I will search for you then;

Oh beloved dusk of night,

And blindness of gloried light

I will search for you,

Won’t you swallow up my time?

End my suffering; I’ll bleed out my life.

Alas, the sun has risen again.

I have days, when I am great!

I mean it as simply as that.

Nothing more, nothing less,

Simply magnificent,

Totally pristine.

So alive, so blessed, so loved,

Purely by being me! It is amazing.

Sometimes, I even weep out of joy!

I feel the essence of bliss, and become it.

 

But then it’s comes again,

That heavy cloak of despair;

Those chains of doubt latch again.

They creep onto me and clutch me down

Pulling me deeper and deeper into the crust

Of the very earth! I feel dragged to hell.

I cannot fight at times, just struggle.

A rat in a cage; a prisoner I make of myself,

No one is joyful when their freedom is taken.

But I break the bonds, I am persistent.

And I have chance to smile again,

To laugh again, to live again.

 

It will return, this I do not doubt,

Just trust in me when I smile,

I hope you can forgive this demon,

For what you know as a man,

Is a beast betrayed by his bane,

But bear with me, I break my bounds.

 

A sonnet to being; a reason for life.

So far, I’ve made it quite far. I survived

These tests of duty, these long trials of time.

Solely on the belief that bells will chime

And crowned I shall be! This I do not hide.

Show you the horizon? I’ll bring it here!

Show me the gold; I’ll pocket a few coins.

I’m aiming at the sky, I’m gonna fly!

Dreams take you far, yes. But I must press on,

Past the bounds and push the odds to the line.

I dragged myself out of despair and doom,

I survived. So I’ll make this pledge for mine:

I’ll live my life, and I’ll make it divine!