A question is asked,
The son to the father;
It’s not what they want.
Raised voices,
Trembling dinner plates
And crying children.
Can’t look him in the eye,
Can’t forgive or forget,
Can’t do it to myself.
I wish I’d said sorry.
But moments have turned to shades
And our relationship just isn’t the same.
I tread softly on the strings of insanity
And as I do, they do play a lovely tune.
A chord that’s soft, and sweet to hear
I try my best to be gentle; trust me here.
Sometimes I can dance, or even prance
And the melody is free. And the glee
That greets the faces of all those that care to be
Near to me shows zeal! But then I fail –
And I fall –
And it screeches to a halt.
It reaches my song, and the strings are strained!
What breeches the ears brings real pain
And I fear that I cannot muffle the disdain
That you might have for me. But I ask of thee,
Please let me play again.
Will you let me play again?
Glorious epoch, lasting finity,
I have observed the clock
For too damn long,
It ticks and it ticks and it fucking tocks.
Like a marching band,
Thundering at me every second,
To the last syllable of recorded time.
Life is something strange,
And at times I do not like it,
And at times it is bliss.
I can’t stomach the infrequency.
Give me hell or give me heaven,
For all eternity. But leave me be,
Oh infrequency, leave me be.
If I can justify it enough;
That’s the real flaw.
That’s the real issue at heart,
Because I have needs!
Real desperate needs
Like when you need air!
And the panic is real to me.
It is so real to me.
But do I ever get it?
Rarely. And when I do it’s
Not enough.
Not enough to calm the rage,
The storm and tempest building inside me.
I am a wretch
And I scorn goodness and loath evil.
I despise love and detest hate,
Nothing is the remedy,
Therefore, the remedy is nothing;
I will search for you then;
Oh beloved dusk of night,
And blindness of gloried light
I will search for you,
Won’t you swallow up my time?
End my suffering; I’ll bleed out my life.
I have days, when I am great!
I mean it as simply as that.
Nothing more, nothing less,
Simply magnificent,
Totally pristine.
So alive, so blessed, so loved,
Purely by being me! It is amazing.
Sometimes, I even weep out of joy!
I feel the essence of bliss, and become it.
But then it’s comes again,
That heavy cloak of despair;
Those chains of doubt latch again.
They creep onto me and clutch me down
Pulling me deeper and deeper into the crust
Of the very earth! I feel dragged to hell.
I cannot fight at times, just struggle.
A rat in a cage; a prisoner I make of myself,
No one is joyful when their freedom is taken.
But I break the bonds, I am persistent.
And I have chance to smile again,
To laugh again, to live again.
It will return, this I do not doubt,
Just trust in me when I smile,
I hope you can forgive this demon,
For what you know as a man,
Is a beast betrayed by his bane,
But bear with me, I break my bounds.
So far, I’ve made it quite far. I survived
These tests of duty, these long trials of time.
Solely on the belief that bells will chime
And crowned I shall be! This I do not hide.
Show you the horizon? I’ll bring it here!
Show me the gold; I’ll pocket a few coins.
I’m aiming at the sky, I’m gonna fly!
Dreams take you far, yes. But I must press on,
Past the bounds and push the odds to the line.
I dragged myself out of despair and doom,
I survived. So I’ll make this pledge for mine:
I’ll live my life, and I’ll make it divine!
I’ve seen you, you’ve seen me.
In the blue of the sea,
I’ve seen you, you’ve seen me.
I fell in love in a distant dream,
Living a lie until I fell asleep.
There in the blue I see you,
Bathing in the moon in the middle of June,
I held onto you like I was cold.
Quite sure that I was sold.
You whispered to me.
I stared in your eyes like they were the sea.
You stole a kiss from me,
It was all so easy to believe.
I sang for you, you danced for me,
We danced like it was symmetry.
You saw my soul, it was easy to see,
I had nothing to hide or try to be.
We were just stealing time
Like it was a silly crime.
And all before the moment died.
You’re eyes held mine, you whispered it was time,
I was blank; I had no words to find.
The whole thing went untwined
And I sat up in my bed.
I looked around like I was dead.
I couldn’t believe it was all in my head.
Just a silly reverie.
Oh why would you do this to me?
Oh cry, you stupid fiend
It was my mind playing tricks on me,
How is this fair? Please answer me,
To find love in a dream,
Such a lovely misery.
Moonlight girl come back to me,
A chance perchance for me to glance
You dance on a beach in the south of France.
Moonlight girl, please answer me
If I sing, would you dance?
If I see you, will you see me?
If I do dream of you, do you dream of me?
The world played solemn strings for only her,
When they did, I’d see eyes so full of dread
That I can’t help but let mine eyes tear-shed.
Looking back now to what I knew of her,
I know there were things I could –
Should have said.
When I knew her, when she was still alive,
There were times when she’d begin to sparkle.
At times she’d be granted a gift from god,
And turn the most wonderful shade of gold.
It’s when the strings began to play again,
She’d have to withdraw, too afraid to live.
The serenade of melancholia.
Her spirit chained, ordained to be the cursed,
Even so, she gladly paid the toll though.
For without pain, what meaning has happiness?
All she told me was that she must listen.
For if she did not, she would not be worth
That shade of gold, akin a deities light.
When joy enveloped her, she gave to all.
The golden Sun warms Earth with endless love,
As did she. But weep one does all alone.
For glee is contagious, but gloom is not.
I think of her, after she killed herself.
As I do, I remember the sad strings,
And wish to have heard them, to know of them.
Yet I am busy with another grief,
One that plays heartlessly on my heartstrings.
There won’t be any shade of gold for me,
Only this blue I suffer through with things,
I wish I’d done, and regret I did not.
The only woman I loved and adored,
Died seeking to end the endless sore stings,
For in her mind she was always abhorred.
I miss she who listened to solemn strings.
The mark of words 