Victor Löve and his heart of gold

Victor Löve had a heart of gold

That he sold before he was old

To drown out his doubts

And keep in his moans

 

In the empty hole

That the heart called home

Now a black pit groans

As it tries to keep the blood flow

 

Victor Löve had a heart of gold

That he sold to the Devil I’m told.

Because he didn’t know what it was worth

And now he’s stuck with his stupid curse.

 

As time dragged by,

A vein in his head

Found a cloister a temple

And therein its stead

He could quiet his sadness

In the silence instead.

 

But though his mind had a memory

Of goodness and grace to be

The Devil wouldn’t let him be

For he plays with his heart

And gives it a tug

So filthy blood begins to run,

Till his mind begins to rut

Of evil things that could come.

 

And that’s all that came to be

Of Victor Löve and his tragedy

Because he was a silly boy

Who didn’t realise how worthy it is to be

And sold his heart like it was free.

Believe me, believe me, believe me.

Just believe me, would ya?

I’m fine alright?

Please don’t look at me like that.

Your second-guessing isn’t helping!

Now I’m not certain either.

Shit.

I shouldn’t have said that.

Now you do think I’ve lost it,

I can see it in your eyes.

No.

Damn it.

Fuck.

Blaarrghcka.

Now the harder I try to persuade you

The more you’ll see the opposite.

I know how it works.

Fuck. Holy fuck.

Don’t look at me like that!

Sorry,

Didn’t mean to yell.

Shit. Sorry! I’m really sorry.

I’m not a basket case

I’m just afraid that’s all.

Maybe you do believe me

And I don’t believe you believe in me

No offence, it hasn’t anything to do with you.

No offence.

This just means I have no faith in myself.

Wait.

Crap.

That’s not good either.

Perhaps I’m just a hypochondriac.

That would make things a whole lot easier

Then I’d just be a cry-baby.

Could I get back in the crib then?

Then I could sleep.

Sleep my life away.

No.

I can’t do that.

I’ve got dreams,

And things to see.

I have a life to lead.

But like,

Could you like…

Spare some sympathy?

It’s just… I just

I want to be happy.

So could you,

Could you just,

Believe in me?

Reborn in flames, I see my sins.

Reborn in flames, I see my sins.

Addicts setting fire to my wings,

In flight I’ll fan the flames

I don’t give a shit, I’ve gotten away,

I’ll steal my life back, I have no shame.

 

You’re not innocent;

Nor am I, but I confront my sins.

I see my demons; I’ll crucify me for it.

You, you drink sorrows away.

Sick, sadist, misery; you’ve dug yourself into.

 

I have no halo, I never claimed it,

Won’t you disregard your self-proclaimed prophecy?

Do onto others what you have done onto you,

I’m no masochist, it’s in you.

 

I’m not sick, it’s in you.

Demonise an outsider,

Then you won’t have to confront

The truth inside of you.

I’m not drinking poison for you.

 

I’ll take my life for me, not for you.

Suicide is for you dirty fucking pigs,

I’m living my life sober, at least for a little bit.

Deal with your sins, you filthy fucking pigs,

And then, you might just sprout wings.

Vad fan har det med dig att göra?

A question is asked,

The son to the father;

It’s not what they want.

Raised voices,

Trembling dinner plates

And crying children.

Can’t look him in the eye,

Can’t forgive or forget,

Can’t do it to myself.

I wish I’d said sorry.

But moments have turned to shades

And our relationship just isn’t the same.

Let me dance on strings for thee.

I tread softly on the strings of insanity

And as I do, they do play a lovely tune.

A chord that’s soft, and sweet to hear

I try my best to be gentle; trust me here.

 

Sometimes I can dance, or even prance

And the melody is free. And the glee

That greets the faces of all those that care to be

Near to me shows zeal! But then I fail –

 

And I fall –

And it screeches to a halt.

 

It reaches my song, and the strings are strained!

What breeches the ears brings real pain

And I fear that I cannot muffle the disdain

That you might have for me. But I ask of thee,

Please let me play again.

 

Will you let me play again?

I trust the blood of the covenant

My worthiness you have disregard,

My intellect you have scoffed

And my strength you have ignored.

You, my brother, will be my brother no more.

I have considered it and you are a fraud.

 

In the light of happiness,

You remain in gloom.

In life’s curious journey

You seek to follow a path.

 

Unless it dances for you,

You appreciate no music.

Unless its colours are yours

You appreciate no painting.

Unless the actors are safe

You appreciate no drama.

 

My brother, my brother…

You complain and complain and complain

And label me the whiner.

I spent years ignored while you were adored.

 

You strike at ideas

Sneer at things you do not understand

And scorn others’ joy if they are not your own.

You refuse to put yourself in another’s shoes.

Yet still I will call myself your brother.

 

But should I be glad that you are so impotent?

Should I be overjoyed that my brother

Can do nothing but snipe?

Should I be humbled by such a disgraceful sibling?

Where is my brother? I recognize you not.

 

There was a time when you were a man

To be worshiped, praised and honoured

I would have gladly bowed my head then,

But that time has past, and that man is dead.

Out, Out –

Glorious epoch, lasting finity,

I have observed the clock

For too damn long,

It ticks and it ticks and it fucking tocks.

Like a marching band,

Thundering at me every second,

To the last syllable of recorded time.

 

Life is something strange,

And at times I do not like it,

And at times it is bliss.

I can’t stomach the infrequency.

Give me hell or give me heaven,

For all eternity. But leave me be,

Oh infrequency, leave me be.

 

If I can justify it enough;

That’s the real flaw.

That’s the real issue at heart,

Because I have needs!

Real desperate needs

Like when you need air!

And the panic is real to me.

It is so real to me.

But do I ever get it?

Rarely. And when I do it’s

Not enough.

Not enough to calm the rage,

The storm and tempest building inside me.

 

I am a wretch

And I scorn goodness and loath evil.

I despise love and detest hate,

Nothing is the remedy,

Therefore, the remedy is nothing;

I will search for you then;

Oh beloved dusk of night,

And blindness of gloried light

I will search for you,

Won’t you swallow up my time?

End my suffering; I’ll bleed out my life.

Choking on black gold

There is black gold in the earth,

They are starved, and seek to drink it.

Roll in; the tanks of a nation,

Blinded by lust, they’ll storm the gates of heaven,

They have come for blood, this is their thirst.

The object of power is power. Blood seeks blood,

Gallons of it will spill, to suck out a glass of black bile.

 

The fear sticks onto their brains like a paste,

Like glue brushed on with a paint brush,

Pick their brains, pull off the film,

See those dark secrets that they keep,

It is not peace or freedom they seek;

They will chain you, gag you, what do they care?

They want their money, and you are in the way.

 

There are traces of tractor markings on my brain,

They’re on my head for it bears down the weight

Of production, government, and industry.

Who am I to stand against the world?

They said he was going to stop the motor of it,

But still the war machine marches on!

My drugged out scope of indifference

I have a prescription

To feel nothing.

I have a mind

That’s blind to reason.

I wake up with a mind that aches

It sits and hopes it all breaks,

And crumbles; the world should fall

The petty little people suffer,

But I fall and fall and laugh

Because for me it would be fucking fun!

Come at me chasm,

I want to be swallowed by the abyss!

 

My soles burn from running,

But my soul burns if I stop hunting.

I sought to have too much fun,

Too much water drowns you.

But I’m starting to think I like drowning.

Or perhaps I just liking lying to myself?

Too scared to admit that I’m afraid,

That perhaps life wasn’t really meant for me.

Alas, the sun has risen again.

I have days, when I am great!

I mean it as simply as that.

Nothing more, nothing less,

Simply magnificent,

Totally pristine.

So alive, so blessed, so loved,

Purely by being me! It is amazing.

Sometimes, I even weep out of joy!

I feel the essence of bliss, and become it.

 

But then it’s comes again,

That heavy cloak of despair;

Those chains of doubt latch again.

They creep onto me and clutch me down

Pulling me deeper and deeper into the crust

Of the very earth! I feel dragged to hell.

I cannot fight at times, just struggle.

A rat in a cage; a prisoner I make of myself,

No one is joyful when their freedom is taken.

But I break the bonds, I am persistent.

And I have chance to smile again,

To laugh again, to live again.

 

It will return, this I do not doubt,

Just trust in me when I smile,

I hope you can forgive this demon,

For what you know as a man,

Is a beast betrayed by his bane,

But bear with me, I break my bounds.